


73 Questions with David Rose

by agoodpersonrose



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: 73 questions, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Dialogue Heavy, First Kiss, Interviews, M/M, Post-Canon, Vogue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:35:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26011246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agoodpersonrose/pseuds/agoodpersonrose
Summary: A twist on the 73 Questions with Vogue interview, wherein the Roses have left the town, reclaimed their fame, and David meets a handsome interviewer with lots of questions.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 23
Kudos: 150





	73 Questions with David Rose

**Author's Note:**

> A little fic inspired by the 73 Questions with Dan Levy Vogue interview. I should probably start paying fairmanor a wage for being my beta and emotional support for like everything I write.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!!

“Hey David.”

“Hi Vogue- specifically…”

“Patrick, my name’s Patrick.”

“Welcome, would you like to come in?”

“I would love that, thank you. This is a lovely apartment you’ve got here. Are you ready for some questions?”

“Thank you, welcome to Schitt’s Creek’s finest. As ready as I’ll ever be.”

“Are you excited?”

“Soo excited.”

“Right, let’s get started. What’s the first thing you thought about this morning?”

“Easy, what I was going to eat for breakfast.”

“What’s the first thing on your to-do list?”

“Ordering what I was going to eat for breakfast.”

“What’s the fourth thing on your to-do list?”

“Figuring out where I was going to go for lunch.”

“What’s something that probably should be on your to-do list, but it’s not?”

“Um, probably scheduling a workout for after the breakfast and lunch.”

“What’s your go-to breakfast?”

“Probably, the cinnamon buns my Dad used to order for the motel lobby where we used to live but now, the blueberry pancakes from Twyla’s Café Tropicale.”

“Sounds delicious.”

“They are.”

“Who’s your favourite artist?”

“Probably Grayson Perry. His work with sculpture in his vases has always been some of my favourite, and he was a real joy to meet.”

“And favourite cocktail?”

“Oh no, don’t make me pick. A cosmopolitan on the rocks is probably my favourite but I haven’t had one since I left New York. Is that an alright answer?”

“Yes, of course, yes you can. That’s a unique answer. What’s your favourite scent?”

“I like musky scents, cedar or pine probably. I also sell a lot of lavender products at my store in town which are very soothing, which I like.”

“Oh, who was that?”

“That was my sister trying to facetime me to ask about this interview, because she never learned time zones. Or high school geometry.”

“What’s it like being so far away from your sister after literally living in the same room for so long?”

“On reflex, a relief, but in reality, it’s quite sad. Alexis is thriving in New York now, though and I could not be prouder.”

“Do you think she feels the same?”

“I don’t wanna know.”

“Ha, what’s your favourite thing about your sister?”

“Ooh, asking the difficult questions now. Probably that she’s so independent, and very determined. Nothing will get in the way of what Alexis wants and you can either accept that or learn it the hard way.”

“Okay, David. I took a look at Rose Apothecary on the way over here and I’ve got to say, it’s an amazing concept that you’ve really pulled off. Has it turned out the way you were expecting it to?”

“Why thank you. Um, it’s probably everything I hoped for and everything I could never have even thought of. In the process it grew as much by itself as from my influence and it’s become something so different to what I could have envisioned.”

“So, you solely set-up, designed, secured vendors, and also work on the shop floor. How are you still standing?”

“You’d have to ask my therapist that.”

“Which of these jobs do you find the most rewarding?”

“Probably the setting up process? Just because it was so rewarding to be able to see my imagination run wild, and that’s really the one that led to all the others.”

“What are you most proud of with Rose Apothecary.”

“The things it’s brought to the community, in providing a beacon of taste that was so sorely needed and also in community events, showcases and everything of that sorts.”

“Now, you used to work at a place called the Blouse Barn. Did you gain any of your inspiration for Rose Apothecary from there?”

“Uh, probably the things you shouldn’t do in a business? No offense to Wendy if she’s watching.”

“You’ve become somewhat of a fashion icon with your sweaters and clothing in general. What style advice can you offer?”

“Everyone has a different style. Don’t dress to try to be someone you’re not, you should dress to express yourself fully. Your clothes for example, tell a lot about you.”

“What do my clothes tell you about me?”

“Well the button-up suggests that you’re in a professional environment, hence this interview. But the jeans suggest a more casual look, meaning you know you’re not going to be on camera. And the woven belt tells me you lack in style.”

“Ha ha, oh, wow. That is not inaccurate.”

“Thank you so much.”

“What is the last thing that you purchased?”

“This apartment.”

“Very nice, congrats again. What is your favourite item of clothing in your wardrobe right now?”

“Probably the Rick Owens leather jacket. It’s brought me the most luck, if you know what I mean.”

“Wow, well I’d love to see it-- Um. What is something you can never overinvest in?”

“Yourself. And a good skincare regime.”

“Wise words.”

“Mhm.”

“What is your most prized possession?”

“The store, probably.”

“What is your favourite movie of all time?”

“Probably a Sandra Bullock vehicle. Maybe the lake house? Or no! No, Bridget Jones’ Diary.”

“What is your favourite song of all time?”

“The Best by Tina Turner. She’s the best singer-songwriter of all time.”

“I heard a rumour that you’re a huge Beyonce fan. Can you rank all her albums in order?”

“First of all, absolutely not, that’s- why would I even do that? Second of all, is somebody not a huge Beyonce fan?”

“Absolutely not--”

“Okay, because that is- unacceptable.”

“Doesn’t exist. Doesn’t exist. Okay, moving on from Beyonce, can you rank every Mariah Carey album?”

“You’ve really done your research haven’t you? Again, no. Why would you ask me that? They’re all masterpieces.”

“Okay, I get it, I get it. If you were seated at a dinner table with Beyonce and Mariah Carey, what would you say to start the conversation flowing?”

“Um, I probably would have gone into shock on receiving that invitation so I don’t think I would ever actually make it to the dinner.”

“Oh, no. That would not be good-- Oh, is someone at the door?”

“Yes, one second, that will be my breakfast from the café. Thank you, George.”

“Mm, those smell good. Now, let’s talk about creative process. You used to publish a lot of your art in New York, do you still consider yourself an artist in that way?”

“Ooh, intellectual. Um, no, I think I’ve taken a step back and realised that everything you do in life can be creative and artistic, without you having to necessarily make it your lifestyle.”

“When you create now, where do you get your inspiration from?”

“Beautiful things.”

“Oh, well. Um, I-- What is the most important thing for you to do when you’re creating?”

“To stay calm, probably. Sometimes I try to set non-existent deadlines in my head, but the best art comes when you don’t feel under pressure to perform.”

“Do you remember the first thing you ever created that you were truly proud of?”

“Probably, I think it would be the drawing of a ladybug that I painted for my nanny Adelina back when I was maybe two or three?”

“What inspired that?”

“I had a fear of bugs and Adelina believed in exposure therapy. Hence various drawings of insects in my early childhood.”

“Aw, that’s very cute.”

“Oh, um. Thank you.”

“At what age do you believe you have done your best work as an artist?”

“I think art is constantly evolving and getting better, so I’m hopeful that my best work is yet to come.”

“How do you stop from criticising your own work?”

“Ooh, I don’t. I’ve not mastered that one yet.”

“Who inspires you to become a better person?”

“Myself, probably. As well as the people around me, my friends in this town, and my family.”

“Okay, great. Now, coming into the bedroom.”

“I would be honoured to join you in there.”

“Ha, um. I-- David. Would you consider yourself to be a routine person?”

“No, I don’t think I’m a routine person.”

“Huh, so you don’t have a morning or evening skincare regime?”

“Well-- in that case, yes I would say I am a routine person. So, I have a regimented skincare routine--”

“I knew it.”

“--that I don’t care to share with all of you.”

“Would you say you have an exercise regimen?”

“Ooh, um. I walk around the block, sometimes? Does that count? I’m basically a 92-year-old woman, I have bad knees.”

“What three staples should everyone have in their closet?”

“A great pair of dress shoes; nothing weird, like nothing long and then squared off at the toe. A good pair of dress pants, and a sweater. Obviously.”

“Whose fashion advice do you worship?”

“I’d like to direct that question to your outfit, but since I know that’s not the way this works, I will say Paul Newman.”

“What is something you’ve learned about fashion since leaving the spotlight?”

“Ooh, um. Just because it’s a trend, doesn’t mean that it’s fashionable.”

“If you could distil your personality into one item of clothing, what would it be?”

“A sweater, I guess. They can express a lot of things in a very comfortable way. Does that make sense?”

“Of course--”

“Okay, I’ll take your word for it.”

“--totally coherent. What is the hardest thing to find since moving to Schitt’s Creek?”

“Honestly, I’ve not had as much of an issue with sourcing clothes as you’d imagine. eBay is your friend and the thrill of the hunt can sometimes add to the excitement of a new piece of clothing.”

“Who is your favourite designer right now?”

“Dries Van Noten.”

“Who is the most fashionable character in any Rom Com ever?”

“Bridget Jones. Don’t fight me on that.”

“Favourite fashion moment in any Rom Com ever?”

“Probably one of the moments from Clueless, but I can’t pick one of them.”

“That’s a good choice.”

“Mhm.”

“Now, you were born in Canada.”

“I was born here, yes.”

“What does Schitt’s Creek have over returning to New York?”

“Er, I would say, probably nice people. My friends are here, and I couldn’t leave them.”

“What’s the most Canadian thing about you?”

“I would love to say I say sorry a lot, but I don’t think that’s true. Um, probably my love of poutine?”

“You said that growing up you were an introverted kid. Would you still consider that you are?”

“Yes, probably, except for with a very small group of people. Which is why a one-take, 73 questions style interview has been extremely anxiety-inducing for me.”

“Well you’re doing great, David.”

“Mhm?”

“We have some family photos over here. Is this a photo of you and your Dad?”

“Couldn’t tell from the eyebrows? Yes, this is the renowned Johnny Rose. He gifted this to me before he and my Mom moved to LA.”

“What does it say on it?”

“It says; ‘David, it was an honour to see you grow and get to know you better in our little town we call home. I’m so proud of you son, Dad.’”

“When you were growing up did you have any idea how famous your parents truly were?”

“Um, not until I was around 7 or 8 when Sunrise Bay fans became all the more rabid.”

“Your whole family lived together in Schitt’s Creek. How does it feel to be here now with them all gone?”

“I would say it’s not as different as I’d maybe thought it would be. I miss them a lot, as does everyone, but I still talk to them all the time, and it was time for them to move on.”

“What is the real reason you didn’t move along with them?”

“I just wasn’t finished with this place yet.”

“In regard to your sexuality, have you had any issues at all with moving from the big city to a small town?”

“Nope, none at all. If anything, people are so much more committed to knowing me better here that they actually make the effort to understand the nuances of sexuality, and a lot have been very careful to try and understand my being pansexual.”

“What is something you have learned recently?”

“How cashews are made- well. I mean, they’re grown on trees. I mean, google it, it’s crazy.”

“Ha ha, okay. What are you excited about in life right now?”

“I don’t know, I think I have a lot to be excited about.”

“Huh. What’s your favourite book?”

“Giovanni’s Room.”

“What’s your favourite pizza?”

“Pepperoni, double cheese. But I’m not fussy, I’ll eat whatever you buy me.”

“Hm, good to know. Do you have any regrets, David?”

“Not taking opportunities when they are presented to me. I’ve sworn off doing that.”

“What was the last thing that made you cry?”

“Waving my parents and my sister off when they left Schitt’s Creek. And seeing my best friend Stevie crying always sets me off.”

“What’s the last thing that made you cry from laughing?”

“Probably something Stevie said the night my parents left.”

“And when was the last time that you were surprised?”

“Probably when you arrived this morning. I wasn’t expecting-- You.”

“Oh, um. What do you want to be remembered for?”

“I guess having done some good here. Also, for my impeccable taste.”

“Show me something that you’re excited for?”

“Mm, okay. Follow me over to this box in the corner. These are some new scents that we will be stocking in the store. I had a workshop with a local vendor and they actually helped me handcraft the scents myself, so-- here.”

“Oh, that smells good.”

“Mhm, that’s actually the same one I’m wearing so now you’re going to smell like me all day I’m afraid.”

“I’m not complaining. Now, you’ve been lorded for how unabashed you are in your identity. How does it feel to be considered an inspiration to so many queer kids?”

“Um, very grateful to get such a response to just being myself.”

“What has been the most surprising response to your family’s fall from fame and then re-emergence into it?”

“Probably the fact that people actually care about my opinions enough to interview me.”

“What is one piece of advice you would tell the world if you got the opportunity?”

“Probably to not live the life that is expected of you, or assumed, and to find your own happiness wherever that might be.”

“What do you miss most about the wealth that your family used to have?”

“Travelling, probably. Easy access to clothes and housing. I just wish I’d done better, kinder things with it when I had it.”

“If I had 24 hours to spend in Schitt’s Creek, where would you take me?”

“Wherever you wanted to go.”

“Well, if that’s the offer you’re making. I have one last question for you.”

“Go ahead.”

“Can I please have some of your blueberry pancakes? Because they smell divine.”

“I think I said that I would take you anywhere, I never offered you my food. That is an order for one person.”

“Ooh, a shame.”

*** 

“Okay, the camera’s off. Thanks for that, David. That was probably one of the best interviews I’ve got in a while.” Patrick says as he starts packing away his equipment. David watches on, unable to shake just a little bit of disappointment at his departure.

“It’s no worry at all, you made it easy. Thank you for asking such good questions.”

Patrick pulls his camera bag onto his shoulder and pauses. This is where David would usually be leading the interviewer to the door and politely pushing for them to leave, but something stops him from wanting to.

“I was kidding about the pancakes. You can have some if you’d like, the café has massive servings anyway.”

Patrick’s face seems to brighten, and he nods, following David through to the kitchen and perching on a bar stool as he plates up the now lukewarm pancakes. 

“Do you do these 73 question interviews often?” David asks, as he puts the food down in front of him.

“They’re pretty popular, something about seeing celebrities in their own environment and giving them the space to talk about what they want to talk about. But personally, I’m very rarely the person to do the interviews.”

“Why’s that?”

“I don’t know, they just aren’t usually in my area, but I’m the only vogue reporter from this area, so they sent me.”

David bites his lip and then decides to ask the question that’s weighing on his mind anyway. “And are all of them so flirty?”

Patrick blinks in surprise and almost chokes on his pancakes. When he’s recovered and had a sip of the water David offers him, he shakes his head. “Generally, probably not. I’m sorry I was a little familiar.”

“I didn’t mind. I liked talking to you, it felt very natural.”

“Huh, well. That’s probably a good thing, right?”

“Definitely.”

“You know, I know the interview is over, but I did have one other question for you, David,” Patrick says, poking at his food again. 

“I think that pushes us over the quota but do go on.”

“Would you maybe want to go out some time?”

David grins and nods. “Sure, I mean. If you want, I could be down for that.”

“Maybe you can wear that Rick Owens leather jacket you mentioned,” Patrick says, biting his lip and moving just an inch closer. 

“You’ll have to work harder than that to see me in that.”

“Oh, really? And how hard would I have to work to get you out of it?”

David barks out a surprise laugh, stepping off his stool and into the gap between Patrick’s legs. “I think it’s my turn to ask a question now.”

“Go ahead.”

“Will you kiss me?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

Patrick leans in quickly and presses their lips together in a firm kiss. His lips taste of blueberry and syrup and he’s confident in sweeping his tongue into David’s waiting mouth. 

He pulls back far too soon with an anxious expression. “How was that?”

“Enough of the questions,” David groans, pulling him back in by the shirt collar.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!!


End file.
